Dear Sidney,

Last Saturday when I talked to Mom she began the conversation with, "I haven't told Thomas yet, but I offered one of my kidneys to a woman I know who is dying of cancer."

Sheesh Sidney, all I could do was sit there in silence--stunned--while she went over the details of this conversation she had with a70 year old woman, a two time cancer survivor.

You know how Mom is, I couldn't just tell her I think she is making a mistake because she will shut down and stop the conversation so I tried to be diplomatic and said, "Wow, that was really generous of you."

"It isn't generous," she said, "That woman has worked hard her entire life, someone should give her a kidney. It isn't generous, it's the right thing to do."

Well yes there is that. I should be thankful that I have a mom who is that wonderful, but all I can think is, "I don't want to lose my mom."

Sidney, you know how many years I didn't have Mom at all, the years when she was sick and so medicated that she couldn't parent and then all the years when Daddy wouldn't let us have a relationship. Finally, we are all close, all learning to trust one another, and I don't want to give it up.

I'm not trying to upset you, I just needed to tell someone. I've kept my feelings, my fear crumbled inside my chest for the past week. I dare not ask Mom any more questions because then she will think I'm too interested and won't talk to me about it at all.

I tried, before I changed the subject, to caution her. I said, "The thing is sometimes insurance doesn't want to pay for those sorts of things and they don't like to pay if there are complications and of course how are you going to get time off work."

She pushed all my concerns aside with a "Well I probably won't be a good match anyway so I don't need to think about that right now."

I suppose.

Just tell me not to worry Sidney, tell me that even if she does give a kidney she'll be okay. I just need to be your little sister for a few minutes.

Love you,

Jamie